Supplemental Help

It is official--we have had the kids on supplements to help with anxiety for three months now and I can honestly say we are experiencing what it is like to be normal. We were approaching it before but the supplements tipped us over the edge.

For those of you who are confused, let me explain...

At the home school conference we attended a series of classes by a lady named Dianne Craft. She was hilarious, intelligent, and knowledgeable, all wrapped up in one person. Her seminars were about teaching learning challenged and behaviorally challenged kids and I hung on her every word. We've been using her techniques for teaching Rose since we came home from convention and I am slowly seeing progress.

Anyway, we decided to take her advice and put the kids on several supplements to help lower their anxiety levels. (While we were at the conference, Gabriel was so stressed out that he threw yogurt at the babysitter and pitched tantrums at every turn. He ended up being sick and we didn't know it but even at that, he was pretty out of control and we were really downhearted that after one night of our being absent he could have this much anxiety.) So, after doing some research, sometime in mid-May, we put them on the supplements Dianne had suggested.

I'll give you the list, just in case you have an anxiety-ridden child out there. She says you have to do it for 3 months to really know if it is working.

Acidopholis
Grape Seed extract
Magnesium
EFAs for Children (ESA stands for Essential Fatty Acids)

Visit her website to find out why she recommends this particular combination of supplements.data:post.body

Teach Your Child to Read

When I signed up for the home schooling thing I was afraid the most about teaching my kids to read. Even though I am a teacher by trade, the responsibility of teaching a child to read has always weighed heavy on me. My oldest was a late bloomer but I wouldn't say he is learning disabled. Now he is a fluent and voracious reader. My middle has had a rough start on reading because of his life experiences and the moves he was forced to endure set him back developmentally but now he is taking off and I'm very proud of his progress.

My third is a different story. I am so glad I've been at this for a while now or else I may be panicking more (I say more because there are days I am surly panicking). She too has seen more than her share of sorrows at the tender age of seven but in most ways you would never know it. While her brother has consistently struggled with anxiety, she has slowly but steadily accepted and embraced her new family with increasing trust (and dare I say, joy?). Developmentally, she has surpassed her brother because she is more relaxed and therefore is more able to grow. I am proud of her too. She has overcome so much and is a joy to be with (after about 10am LOL).

This reading thing has taken her for a spin though. After taking some courses this spring about learning disabled kids and how to do therapy with them in your home, I was both encouraged and sad. I could see the writing on the wall for her and knew we both had a mountain of work ahead of us. So, while her brother has flown through "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" she continues to struggle along behind him, working at an agonizing pace. We have been doing the prescribed excersizes and I can see they are helping but she continues to feel like she doesn't measure up and my heart breaks for her. I cannot wait until the day when she follows in her brothers' footsteps and cracks open her first "real" book. Until then, I am saddened to watch her sit on the floor with piles of books (not picture books, chapter books) next to her, turning the pages and looking, looking at the words. She wants it so bad! Keep on working, Rosie girl!data:post.body

Dying to Live

Distant and preoccupied. How is it that I can be with my children 24 hours a day (literally) and still not be present with them? Amazingly, this is my biggest struggle. Each day I either choose to engage in the battle for my children’s hearts-- or I don’t-- and I can tell when I haven’t fought for them. As much as I hate to admit it, the ones is on me when their behavior escalates and I am at my wits end.

In Luke 9:23 Jesus tells us to give up our selfish ways and take up our cross, and follow him. I was contemplating this after a church meeting last week, trying to grapple with the concept in my mind. Such a familiar verse and yet, so hard to live out. Leaving behind my selfish ways may mean leaving behind the pile of dirty dishes and laundry to sit outside with my kids while they play in the yard, instead of leaving them to play alone. It may mean going to bed with cluttered rooms because I took the extra time to talk with them before tucking them in for the night. It may mean getting rid of the television because it is a distraction from the most important things in life, like raising my kids.

When I don’t manage my time well, my children suffer. When I fail to plan ahead for hard days, they suffer again. When I am tired because I stayed up too late, they suffer because I yell at them. Homeschooling doesn’t solve these issues, it only magnifies them because they are constantly in my face. I know this is good because without the constant reminders, sadly, I would never change. Fortunately, I have the good Lord to help me when I am weak and sometimes I can feel His strength so distinctly I feel as if He may walk into the room. All the while, the battle rages around me and though I hate to admit it, every minute, every hour, every day, brings me closer to the end of the struggle, when I will discover how I did.

Images of the Good Shepherd flood my mind, giving me glimpses of who I should be and what I am striving for. The gentle nudging of his staff to a wayward lamb, the tenderness with which he leads his flock to greener pastures, His urgent call when a young lamb has wandered off, all remind me of my job. How glad I am that God has given me an example of who I should be. I tend toward harshness but He steers me toward gentleness and it always works better. After all, “a soft answer turns away wrath”.

As I tend to my real animals out on our little farm, they look up at me with trusting eyes, waiting for their share of hay and grain. They bleat with anticipation when they see me and my little Velvatine Rabbit paces in her cage as I come nearer. My goal is that one day my two adopted children will look to me with that same trust and eagerness. That they will look to see where I am leading and they will follow. But it all depends on my death to self and how willing I am to be full of grace.

data:post.body

Adopted Children Display "Defiance" but What is it Really?

"No, I don't feel like it." That was the response I got a few
weeks ago when I asked my adopted son to take a shower. I had
prepared him ahead of time, given him a five minute warning, and
had retrieved his clothing to make it easier. Still, he was
"defying" me. Why?

For a stranger watching this exchange, you may have thought I was
too lenient in my response when I replied, "Okay, I'm going to
ask you again in five minutes." When we signed up for our foster care program I would have laughed at such a response. If youknew my son however, and the dark issues of trauma that surround his past, you would know something deeper was at work here.

Traumatized children are sometimes hard to read. We make
assumptions about them that are untrue based on our own
perceptions. The biggest thing I have learned about dealing with
what looks like defiance in my adopted children is that things
are often not what they seem. If I can keep my cool long enough
to get to the heart of the matter, scenarios like this one do not
escalate and my kids are happier, and more relaxed. In addition,
they have fewer discipline problems. Not because I ignore their
issues (they aren't the type of issues that can be ignored!) but
because I approach my children with understanding and mercy.

So what did I do about the shower? First, I considered the
situation. We were up late the night before and often that means
my son has urinated in his pull-up. He has a distended bowel due
to anxiety (former foster kids often have anxiety issues) and
late nights can mean he has feces in his pants as well. This
makes him embarrassed, especially since he doesn't have the small
motor skills to clean himself up properly. Usually when he
refuses to take a shower it means he needs help but is too
embarrassed to ask. When the timer beeped I made sure we were
out of earshot of his siblings and quietly asked him if he needed
help getting cleaned up. He nodded and went immediately to the
bathroom.

This issue was not defiance at all--it was a simple matter of
embarrassment. If I had treated it as defiance (which I am sad
to report, I have in the past) it would only have damaged my
relationship with my son and we would not have solved anything.
He may have been clean, but our relationship may have needed
repairing. One step forward, two steps back.

Know your child. Know his issues. Learn his heart and lead him
to the love you have for him.data:post.body

Hemi the horse arrived a few days ago and is absolutely beautiful. He's a six year old paint gelding with a wonderful disposition. Chica wasn't so happy with him at first and was going after him in the beginning but is finally deciding she's okay with him.data:post.body