Have We Created a House of Cards?

As January speeds to a close I am starting to get into the swing
of things again for the second half of the school year. The
holidays are behind us (whew!) and we are finally back into our
normal routine. This is the time of year when I look back over
the fall semester and start panicking about what I haven't
accomplished yet this year. I have to reign in my emotions and
focus again on what I have determined is my philosophy of
education.

The longer I home educate the more strongly I believe that our
public school system has missed the mark horribly when it comes
to timing. In an effort to ease the discomfort of millions of
parents who have either chosen to work outside the home or have
to out of necessity, our school system has forced younger and
younger children into formal education. After all, it makes
sense that early exposure to reading and math would make better
students--right? Unfortunately, in spite of the valiant efforts
of thousands of teachers and administrators, the evidence points
to the contrary. Never before has the United States seen so many
illiterate students and such a high drop-out rate. Our current
system has built a house of cards that is falling quickly.

I believe that part of the failure of the system is due to the
fact that children's brains are not physically ready for the
level of thinking required by formal education until they are
much older. There are many examples of this in history. For
instance, Patrick Henry, who was the instigator of the Bill of
Rights and the famous lawyer during Revolutionary times,
literally could not be kept in a school building and had to be
home educated by his father. (He kept escaping into the woods!)
This education didn't start in earnest until Patrick was nine
years old. Incidentally, he also didn't wear shoes until then!
Most children up until the early 1900's didn't attend formal
schooling until they were around nine years old, and most of them
only managed about five months of schooling out of every year,
and yet, the literacy rate was much higher at the turn of the
20th century than it is now!

How does this relate to my philosophy of education? I have come
to the conclusion that my children can be taught in the home
school everything they need to be successful without foisting
formal education on them until their brains have time to develop.
How freeing it is to realize my children don't have to plod along
on a public school schedule (extinguishing their love of learning
the while) and that I can truly be the one who decides what is
best for them. I have made this choice because with my adopted
children especially, relationship is more important than the
three R's. I have focused on relationship first and have only
pressed formal education after a positive relationship was
intact. The irony in this is that I'm sure I would not be able
to teach them effectively had I not started with the
relationship.

So, if this is your first year teaching at home, or if you have
the opportunity to keep your little ones home an extra year if
you are sending them away to school, take my advice and focus on
relationship first. Let your child explore and learn naturally
and concentrate on connecting with him. My prediction is that
both you and your child will be more successful in the long run
and you will avoid much frustration, both in learning and in
loving.data:post.body

Sibling Rivalry and Fellowship with a Purpose Part 2

Once you get your kids to a point where they are interacting together well, (which could take months) the next important step to take is finding ways to fellowship with a purpose. Fellowship with a purpose takes a little more work but it is well worth it because not only do you help your children develop their friendships, but you are benefiting from deeper friendships as well.

Find families that share your value system and begin to have them over, go on field trips together if you homeschool, and as you discover which personalities blend the best, develop those friendships first. This is fellowship with a purpose. You are intentionally capitalizing on the value of friendships with people who are most likely to share your value systems and who will support you in parenting your children.

In this day and age, our culture is obsessed with exposing kids to people who are unlike them so that when they grow up, they will be less likely to be prejudiced against other people groups. This is a great sentiment, and to an extent, I agree with that strategy. The problem is that we have inadvertently thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

In exposing our children to so many new ideas and cultures at such a young age, we forget that they are not yet well acquainted with who they are. If they do not first get a solid foundation in the belief systems of their own family, someday it will be very easy to dislodge them from their trust in Christ because they will have never made it their own faith.

This is why fellowship with a purpose is so important. Spending lots of time pursuing hobbies and sports can undermine the influence we ultimately have with our children. We have put these activities on a pedestal because we have bought into the lie that good socialization can only happen in these environments. On the contrary, good socialization happens when kids are exposed to loving adults who can mentor them and model for them what being a Christ follower looks like. Sports and other activities are only valuable when they are a small percentage of the whole--a supplement to what is happening within the family.

As parents, our job is to come alongside our children and teens and oversee the socialization they are exposed to. This is most easily achieved when the family is involved in events and gatherings together. If you are wondering how this is accomplished, I'll give you a few ideas...

* Get involved in a small group at your church or attend a house church.
It is important to note that many small groups are not family integrated.
If your church doesn't have a group like this, you may consider starting
one. You may be surprised at how many families are tired of being segregated
during worship and church activities and would be thrilled to have such a
group available to them.

* Instead of sending your teens to a youth group, consider having teens over to your
own home on a monthly or weekly basis for a group game night. This is a great
way to get to know your teen's friends while also staying close and available.

* Host family game or movie nights for families in your church or small group. This
is a fun way to build friendships among adults, teens, and children all at the
same time!

* Join your local YMCA and take advantage of their family exercise rooms, pool, and
intramural sports teams as a family.

These are a few ideas to get you started and to show you there are ways to enjoy your family while still helping your children get the friendship and interaction they need--even if you are home educating. A good way to determine if you are choosing activities that build your family up is to ask yourself how each choice will affect your family's schedule. Here are a few questions in closing to ask when trying to decide..

1. Will our family still be able to eat dinner together at least 4 times per week?

2. Will my children be able to be in bed by their stated bed time at least 5 times
a week?

3. Is this activity in line with my child's greatest interests and/or gifts?

4. Will this activity cause me as a parent to be tired much of the time, resulting
in less energy to interact with my children?

If the answers to these questions are acceptable to you (meaning you still have time to be a family and as a parent you won't feel your energy levels are compromised much of the time) then the proposed activity is probably a safe thing to invest in. If not, you may need to re-evaluate it's importance.

Finally, this all ties into sibling rivalry because often, siblings are separated so much (especially if they attend school away from home) that they don't have the opportunity to know one another. In addition, they become accustomed to only interacting with children their own age, making them intolerant of younger siblings or disrespectful of older ones. If your family is striving to stick together much of the time--your children will eventually begin to relate in more positive ways and there will be fewer conflicts. The great benefit to improving sibling relationships is that this prepares them very effectively for the relationships they will have at college, in the workplace, and in their own families as adults.data:post.body

Sibling Rivalry and Fellowship with a Purpose Part 1

I have more and more conversations about building family unity and striving for good relationships within the family, while balancing that desire with the reality that our kids need solid friendships and positive social interactions. As our kids have grown to love each other post adoption, I've noticed a few things that have helped them to increase in their love for one another, and at the same time enjoy friendships outside our home.

The first thing I know that has helped more than anything else is saying no. Saying no to sports teams, scout troops, too many 4-H projects and meetings, and generally too much activity outside the four walls of our home has been key. Turns out, busyness allows us as parents to avoid facing conflict and character problems that naturally arise when personalities are together for days at a time.

It is far too easy to pretend your kids are getting along okay when you are wrapped up in 5 or more activities per week that segregate your family. In addition, kids don't have to resolve their differences when they are seldom together. I have a wise friend who pointed out to me that siblings do occasionally fight, and that nearly constant bickering might be normal by today's standards, but it certainly isn't God's model for the family.

If your kids can't play together for more than 5 minutes without a fight, and that is the norm in your house, my first suggestion would be to bring them home. Pull them out of some activities so you have at least 3 nights per week at home, even if you homeschool. Stay close to them and teach them how to interact without fighting. Play games as a family,take them for walks in your neighborhood, play sports together in your yard, and watch how the different personalities interact so you know what you need to work on as a parent in their training.

Remember, sports, lessons and groups like scouts are all good things-- but they won't mean very much in the long run if your children have fractured family relationships. One day they'll wake up and no longer be able to play football and they will regret that they have lived in the same house for nearly 20 years with siblings they still don't know or appreciate.data:post.body

Supplemental Help

It is official--we have had the kids on supplements to help with anxiety for three months now and I can honestly say we are experiencing what it is like to be normal. We were approaching it before but the supplements tipped us over the edge.

For those of you who are confused, let me explain...

At the home school conference we attended a series of classes by a lady named Dianne Craft. She was hilarious, intelligent, and knowledgeable, all wrapped up in one person. Her seminars were about teaching learning challenged and behaviorally challenged kids and I hung on her every word. We've been using her techniques for teaching Rose since we came home from convention and I am slowly seeing progress.

Anyway, we decided to take her advice and put the kids on several supplements to help lower their anxiety levels. (While we were at the conference, Gabriel was so stressed out that he threw yogurt at the babysitter and pitched tantrums at every turn. He ended up being sick and we didn't know it but even at that, he was pretty out of control and we were really downhearted that after one night of our being absent he could have this much anxiety.) So, after doing some research, sometime in mid-May, we put them on the supplements Dianne had suggested.

I'll give you the list, just in case you have an anxiety-ridden child out there. She says you have to do it for 3 months to really know if it is working.

Acidopholis
Grape Seed extract
Magnesium
EFAs for Children (ESA stands for Essential Fatty Acids)

Visit her website to find out why she recommends this particular combination of supplements.data:post.body

Teach Your Child to Read

When I signed up for the home schooling thing I was afraid the most about teaching my kids to read. Even though I am a teacher by trade, the responsibility of teaching a child to read has always weighed heavy on me. My oldest was a late bloomer but I wouldn't say he is learning disabled. Now he is a fluent and voracious reader. My middle has had a rough start on reading because of his life experiences and the moves he was forced to endure set him back developmentally but now he is taking off and I'm very proud of his progress.

My third is a different story. I am so glad I've been at this for a while now or else I may be panicking more (I say more because there are days I am surly panicking). She too has seen more than her share of sorrows at the tender age of seven but in most ways you would never know it. While her brother has consistently struggled with anxiety, she has slowly but steadily accepted and embraced her new family with increasing trust (and dare I say, joy?). Developmentally, she has surpassed her brother because she is more relaxed and therefore is more able to grow. I am proud of her too. She has overcome so much and is a joy to be with (after about 10am LOL).

This reading thing has taken her for a spin though. After taking some courses this spring about learning disabled kids and how to do therapy with them in your home, I was both encouraged and sad. I could see the writing on the wall for her and knew we both had a mountain of work ahead of us. So, while her brother has flown through "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" she continues to struggle along behind him, working at an agonizing pace. We have been doing the prescribed excersizes and I can see they are helping but she continues to feel like she doesn't measure up and my heart breaks for her. I cannot wait until the day when she follows in her brothers' footsteps and cracks open her first "real" book. Until then, I am saddened to watch her sit on the floor with piles of books (not picture books, chapter books) next to her, turning the pages and looking, looking at the words. She wants it so bad! Keep on working, Rosie girl!data:post.body

Dying to Live

Distant and preoccupied. How is it that I can be with my children 24 hours a day (literally) and still not be present with them? Amazingly, this is my biggest struggle. Each day I either choose to engage in the battle for my children’s hearts-- or I don’t-- and I can tell when I haven’t fought for them. As much as I hate to admit it, the ones is on me when their behavior escalates and I am at my wits end.

In Luke 9:23 Jesus tells us to give up our selfish ways and take up our cross, and follow him. I was contemplating this after a church meeting last week, trying to grapple with the concept in my mind. Such a familiar verse and yet, so hard to live out. Leaving behind my selfish ways may mean leaving behind the pile of dirty dishes and laundry to sit outside with my kids while they play in the yard, instead of leaving them to play alone. It may mean going to bed with cluttered rooms because I took the extra time to talk with them before tucking them in for the night. It may mean getting rid of the television because it is a distraction from the most important things in life, like raising my kids.

When I don’t manage my time well, my children suffer. When I fail to plan ahead for hard days, they suffer again. When I am tired because I stayed up too late, they suffer because I yell at them. Homeschooling doesn’t solve these issues, it only magnifies them because they are constantly in my face. I know this is good because without the constant reminders, sadly, I would never change. Fortunately, I have the good Lord to help me when I am weak and sometimes I can feel His strength so distinctly I feel as if He may walk into the room. All the while, the battle rages around me and though I hate to admit it, every minute, every hour, every day, brings me closer to the end of the struggle, when I will discover how I did.

Images of the Good Shepherd flood my mind, giving me glimpses of who I should be and what I am striving for. The gentle nudging of his staff to a wayward lamb, the tenderness with which he leads his flock to greener pastures, His urgent call when a young lamb has wandered off, all remind me of my job. How glad I am that God has given me an example of who I should be. I tend toward harshness but He steers me toward gentleness and it always works better. After all, “a soft answer turns away wrath”.

As I tend to my real animals out on our little farm, they look up at me with trusting eyes, waiting for their share of hay and grain. They bleat with anticipation when they see me and my little Velvatine Rabbit paces in her cage as I come nearer. My goal is that one day my two adopted children will look to me with that same trust and eagerness. That they will look to see where I am leading and they will follow. But it all depends on my death to self and how willing I am to be full of grace.

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To the Zoo!

Animal Classification calls for a trip to the zoo so that is where we went to kick off our new unit. As we have learned about all the different kinds of animals God created on days 5 and 6 we have been delighted whenever we get the opportunity to look at these creatures up close.

This is the Galapagos Tortoise--the famed tortoise discovered on the island of Galapagos by Charles Darwin, who went to school to be a pastor interestingly enough--not a scientist. In fact, there are a lot of interesting things you can learn about Darwin if you read a little about his life. We have had some fun discussions about how hilarious the concept of evolution is and have observed many things in nature that continue to disprove it. (Like for instance, have you ever thought about what a bat ate before it developed it's echolocation ability? If evolution were true, bats would have died out long before they had a chance to evolve echolocation because that is how they find their food!)

The second day of our unit, we classified our stuffed animals. These two were placed together by Rose, who noticed that both the giraffe and the elephant have horns. I thought that was cute.

Later in the unit, we went exploring in a creek to see what creatures we could find there.

We brought home a dragonfly nymph, some crayfish, and three different types of fish.

Ah, the long awaited dissection. We dissected a starfish towards the end of our unit and it was really gross. I swallowed my feelings and acted excited in the interest of education.

Of all three children, Rosie was the most excited about the dissecting. She was examining the starfish, finding it's parts and asking good questions the whole time. The boys just wanted to get it over with. She says she wants to be a veterinarian and it appears she may have what it takes. I love that she is learning so much about science even though with her dyslexia she has not mastered reading yet. If she were bound to learn only through books she would be largely stuck and may end up hating to learn. As it is, she is engaged by our unit studies in spite of her inability to read.

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Japan

We have been studying Japan and it's culture during school time and have enjoyed it so much! This is Ezra painting a Japanese screen. He was so interested in this unit that he says he wants to be a missionary to Japan!

Here are pictures of us sewing Kimonos (that didn't turn out--oh well). Turns out, Kimonos are supposed to be REALLY BIG so you can wrap them around you. I didn't have a real pattern and didn't cut enough material. Although I hope to salvage them someday...sigh.

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