Beauty in the morning

I got up to the most serene fog this morning. I was blown away by the beauty of it and was able to get a few pictures. The air was heavy with the scent of rain and fallen leaves, the sunlight was struggling to win the fight against one of the thickest fogs I have observed in several years. The majesty of God's creation seemed to be highlighted, rather than muted, by the cloud cover and I had to share the moment.data:post.body

Sibling Rivalry and Fellowship with a Purpose Part 2

Once you get your kids to a point where they are interacting together well, (which could take months) the next important step to take is finding ways to fellowship with a purpose. Fellowship with a purpose takes a little more work but it is well worth it because not only do you help your children develop their friendships, but you are benefiting from deeper friendships as well.

Find families that share your value system and begin to have them over, go on field trips together if you homeschool, and as you discover which personalities blend the best, develop those friendships first. This is fellowship with a purpose. You are intentionally capitalizing on the value of friendships with people who are most likely to share your value systems and who will support you in parenting your children.

In this day and age, our culture is obsessed with exposing kids to people who are unlike them so that when they grow up, they will be less likely to be prejudiced against other people groups. This is a great sentiment, and to an extent, I agree with that strategy. The problem is that we have inadvertently thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

In exposing our children to so many new ideas and cultures at such a young age, we forget that they are not yet well acquainted with who they are. If they do not first get a solid foundation in the belief systems of their own family, someday it will be very easy to dislodge them from their trust in Christ because they will have never made it their own faith.

This is why fellowship with a purpose is so important. Spending lots of time pursuing hobbies and sports can undermine the influence we ultimately have with our children. We have put these activities on a pedestal because we have bought into the lie that good socialization can only happen in these environments. On the contrary, good socialization happens when kids are exposed to loving adults who can mentor them and model for them what being a Christ follower looks like. Sports and other activities are only valuable when they are a small percentage of the whole--a supplement to what is happening within the family.

As parents, our job is to come alongside our children and teens and oversee the socialization they are exposed to. This is most easily achieved when the family is involved in events and gatherings together. If you are wondering how this is accomplished, I'll give you a few ideas...

* Get involved in a small group at your church or attend a house church.
It is important to note that many small groups are not family integrated.
If your church doesn't have a group like this, you may consider starting
one. You may be surprised at how many families are tired of being segregated
during worship and church activities and would be thrilled to have such a
group available to them.

* Instead of sending your teens to a youth group, consider having teens over to your
own home on a monthly or weekly basis for a group game night. This is a great
way to get to know your teen's friends while also staying close and available.

* Host family game or movie nights for families in your church or small group. This
is a fun way to build friendships among adults, teens, and children all at the
same time!

* Join your local YMCA and take advantage of their family exercise rooms, pool, and
intramural sports teams as a family.

These are a few ideas to get you started and to show you there are ways to enjoy your family while still helping your children get the friendship and interaction they need--even if you are home educating. A good way to determine if you are choosing activities that build your family up is to ask yourself how each choice will affect your family's schedule. Here are a few questions in closing to ask when trying to decide..

1. Will our family still be able to eat dinner together at least 4 times per week?

2. Will my children be able to be in bed by their stated bed time at least 5 times
a week?

3. Is this activity in line with my child's greatest interests and/or gifts?

4. Will this activity cause me as a parent to be tired much of the time, resulting
in less energy to interact with my children?

If the answers to these questions are acceptable to you (meaning you still have time to be a family and as a parent you won't feel your energy levels are compromised much of the time) then the proposed activity is probably a safe thing to invest in. If not, you may need to re-evaluate it's importance.

Finally, this all ties into sibling rivalry because often, siblings are separated so much (especially if they attend school away from home) that they don't have the opportunity to know one another. In addition, they become accustomed to only interacting with children their own age, making them intolerant of younger siblings or disrespectful of older ones. If your family is striving to stick together much of the time--your children will eventually begin to relate in more positive ways and there will be fewer conflicts. The great benefit to improving sibling relationships is that this prepares them very effectively for the relationships they will have at college, in the workplace, and in their own families as adults.data:post.body

Sibling Rivalry and Fellowship with a Purpose Part 1

I have more and more conversations about building family unity and striving for good relationships within the family, while balancing that desire with the reality that our kids need solid friendships and positive social interactions. As our kids have grown to love each other post adoption, I've noticed a few things that have helped them to increase in their love for one another, and at the same time enjoy friendships outside our home.

The first thing I know that has helped more than anything else is saying no. Saying no to sports teams, scout troops, too many 4-H projects and meetings, and generally too much activity outside the four walls of our home has been key. Turns out, busyness allows us as parents to avoid facing conflict and character problems that naturally arise when personalities are together for days at a time.

It is far too easy to pretend your kids are getting along okay when you are wrapped up in 5 or more activities per week that segregate your family. In addition, kids don't have to resolve their differences when they are seldom together. I have a wise friend who pointed out to me that siblings do occasionally fight, and that nearly constant bickering might be normal by today's standards, but it certainly isn't God's model for the family.

If your kids can't play together for more than 5 minutes without a fight, and that is the norm in your house, my first suggestion would be to bring them home. Pull them out of some activities so you have at least 3 nights per week at home, even if you homeschool. Stay close to them and teach them how to interact without fighting. Play games as a family,take them for walks in your neighborhood, play sports together in your yard, and watch how the different personalities interact so you know what you need to work on as a parent in their training.

Remember, sports, lessons and groups like scouts are all good things-- but they won't mean very much in the long run if your children have fractured family relationships. One day they'll wake up and no longer be able to play football and they will regret that they have lived in the same house for nearly 20 years with siblings they still don't know or appreciate.data:post.body