Sibling Rivalry and Fellowship with a Purpose Part 2

Once you get your kids to a point where they are interacting together well, (which could take months) the next important step to take is finding ways to fellowship with a purpose. Fellowship with a purpose takes a little more work but it is well worth it because not only do you help your children develop their friendships, but you are benefiting from deeper friendships as well.

Find families that share your value system and begin to have them over, go on field trips together if you homeschool, and as you discover which personalities blend the best, develop those friendships first. This is fellowship with a purpose. You are intentionally capitalizing on the value of friendships with people who are most likely to share your value systems and who will support you in parenting your children.

In this day and age, our culture is obsessed with exposing kids to people who are unlike them so that when they grow up, they will be less likely to be prejudiced against other people groups. This is a great sentiment, and to an extent, I agree with that strategy. The problem is that we have inadvertently thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

In exposing our children to so many new ideas and cultures at such a young age, we forget that they are not yet well acquainted with who they are. If they do not first get a solid foundation in the belief systems of their own family, someday it will be very easy to dislodge them from their trust in Christ because they will have never made it their own faith.

This is why fellowship with a purpose is so important. Spending lots of time pursuing hobbies and sports can undermine the influence we ultimately have with our children. We have put these activities on a pedestal because we have bought into the lie that good socialization can only happen in these environments. On the contrary, good socialization happens when kids are exposed to loving adults who can mentor them and model for them what being a Christ follower looks like. Sports and other activities are only valuable when they are a small percentage of the whole--a supplement to what is happening within the family.

As parents, our job is to come alongside our children and teens and oversee the socialization they are exposed to. This is most easily achieved when the family is involved in events and gatherings together. If you are wondering how this is accomplished, I'll give you a few ideas...

* Get involved in a small group at your church or attend a house church.
It is important to note that many small groups are not family integrated.
If your church doesn't have a group like this, you may consider starting
one. You may be surprised at how many families are tired of being segregated
during worship and church activities and would be thrilled to have such a
group available to them.

* Instead of sending your teens to a youth group, consider having teens over to your
own home on a monthly or weekly basis for a group game night. This is a great
way to get to know your teen's friends while also staying close and available.

* Host family game or movie nights for families in your church or small group. This
is a fun way to build friendships among adults, teens, and children all at the
same time!

* Join your local YMCA and take advantage of their family exercise rooms, pool, and
intramural sports teams as a family.

These are a few ideas to get you started and to show you there are ways to enjoy your family while still helping your children get the friendship and interaction they need--even if you are home educating. A good way to determine if you are choosing activities that build your family up is to ask yourself how each choice will affect your family's schedule. Here are a few questions in closing to ask when trying to decide..

1. Will our family still be able to eat dinner together at least 4 times per week?

2. Will my children be able to be in bed by their stated bed time at least 5 times
a week?

3. Is this activity in line with my child's greatest interests and/or gifts?

4. Will this activity cause me as a parent to be tired much of the time, resulting
in less energy to interact with my children?

If the answers to these questions are acceptable to you (meaning you still have time to be a family and as a parent you won't feel your energy levels are compromised much of the time) then the proposed activity is probably a safe thing to invest in. If not, you may need to re-evaluate it's importance.

Finally, this all ties into sibling rivalry because often, siblings are separated so much (especially if they attend school away from home) that they don't have the opportunity to know one another. In addition, they become accustomed to only interacting with children their own age, making them intolerant of younger siblings or disrespectful of older ones. If your family is striving to stick together much of the time--your children will eventually begin to relate in more positive ways and there will be fewer conflicts. The great benefit to improving sibling relationships is that this prepares them very effectively for the relationships they will have at college, in the workplace, and in their own families as adults.data:post.body