Sibling Rivalry and Fellowship with a Purpose Part 1

I have more and more conversations about building family unity and striving for good relationships within the family, while balancing that desire with the reality that our kids need solid friendships and positive social interactions. As our kids have grown to love each other post adoption, I've noticed a few things that have helped them to increase in their love for one another, and at the same time enjoy friendships outside our home.

The first thing I know that has helped more than anything else is saying no. Saying no to sports teams, scout troops, too many 4-H projects and meetings, and generally too much activity outside the four walls of our home has been key. Turns out, busyness allows us as parents to avoid facing conflict and character problems that naturally arise when personalities are together for days at a time.

It is far too easy to pretend your kids are getting along okay when you are wrapped up in 5 or more activities per week that segregate your family. In addition, kids don't have to resolve their differences when they are seldom together. I have a wise friend who pointed out to me that siblings do occasionally fight, and that nearly constant bickering might be normal by today's standards, but it certainly isn't God's model for the family.

If your kids can't play together for more than 5 minutes without a fight, and that is the norm in your house, my first suggestion would be to bring them home. Pull them out of some activities so you have at least 3 nights per week at home, even if you homeschool. Stay close to them and teach them how to interact without fighting. Play games as a family,take them for walks in your neighborhood, play sports together in your yard, and watch how the different personalities interact so you know what you need to work on as a parent in their training.

Remember, sports, lessons and groups like scouts are all good things-- but they won't mean very much in the long run if your children have fractured family relationships. One day they'll wake up and no longer be able to play football and they will regret that they have lived in the same house for nearly 20 years with siblings they still don't know or appreciate.data:post.body